Under the Milky Way
by MrJamesileee
Summary: set a few weeks after 2.13 ended, so spoilers if you haven't seen that far. rafferty doesn't feel 'at home' within firehouse 51 yet and shay would like to change that. just my take on how the (hopefully) impending relationship between shay and rafferty will pan out.
1. Chapter 1

AN: set a couple weeks after 2.13. Katie is safe (because I'm assuming she will be). spoilers through 2.13

Under the Milky Way

Christopher Herrman had situated himself in the very center of the common room, even stood himself right up onto a wobbly plastic chair (because for

Christopher Herrman, any height advantage was an advantage) and cleared his throat loudly. He interrupted Cruz's cooking, Shay and Rafferty's banter, Otis

and Severide's gossip and Casey's internal brooding, all with one, "Ahem."

"So I _know_ you all know what tonight is..." he grinned his big, proud Herrman grin, looking around to make sure he had everyone's attention. He did. "Tonight is

the grand REopening of Molly's!"

Everyone cheered, knowing what the announcement would be already, but happy for their co-businessmen family members, especially Herrman.

"We got everything all set, so myself, Otis, Dawson and our newest partner, Shay, all expect you to be there!"

Another round of cheers erupted and Herrman's pride soared.

"Expect?!" Otis yelled out in question.

"You're right, Otis," Herrman corrected himself. "To hell with 'expect.' You all _better_ be there and party down with us!"

The tone of the room was light and honestly the men and women of firehouse 51 were in serious need of a party. Work, and life in general, had been pretty rough of late, and each and every one of them was looking forward to a much needed (and deserved) 48 hours off. They just had to make it to end of shift first.

"Molly's opens at 8 you guys, but feel free to come and pre-game with us early. We'll be there making sure everything is in working order before our hopeful patrons arrive," Herrman told them as he hopped off of the chair with a loud scratch across the linoleum.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You're coming, right?" Shay asked suddenly, breaking the abnormal (but only slightly awkward) silence that had fallen over herself and Rafferty as they stocked the ambulance later that afternoon.

"Coming where?" Rafferty practically spat at her, but Shay had grown to know her new partner well enough to see right through it, to know that Rafferty knew _exactly_ what she was asking.

"To Molly's, dummy," Shay laughed. "You're coming, right?"

Shay sounded a tiny bit like an excited child and Rafferty wasn't sure she'd ever heard her partner that way before.

"Doubtful," Rafferty shot her down without remorse, but a smirk lingered on her face despite herself. She didn't know that Shay had caught it.

"Oh shut up!" Shay threw a box of medical gloves at the woman's chest and they bounced off, surprising her. "Why wouldn't you come?"

"Well I wasn't really invited," Rafferty shrugged and Shay could tell that her new partner was being sincere. Her insecurities were showing. She was no longer being playful.

"Herrman invited the whole damn city! How can you say you weren't invited?"

"He was talking to his friends. To his _family_. He and I have barely spoken a word to each other since I moved to 51. Honestly, I don't know any of you very well, and I mean, it's _your_ party..."

"Exactly. It's _our_ party," Shay corrected with a smile, nudging Rafferty's shoulder. "You're a part of 51 now. Everyone wants you to come tonight."

Rafferty laughed thickly.

"It's nice of you to say that, but I know damn well that you haven't talked to anyone about me coming tonight."

"How do you know that?!" Shay asked innocently.

"Um, because I've been with you every second since Herrman's little announcement," Rafferty raised her eyebrow in defiance.

"Oh," Shay sighed, knowing she'd lost that one. "Well, as you may recall, I'm the fourth partner now... so it's kind of like it's _my_ party..."

"Humble, aren't you?"

"In fact there wouldn't even _be_ a grand REopening of Molly's if not for me, so..."

"So...what?" Rafferty challenged, smiling right in Shay's face, throwing the girl off slightly.

"So you have to come. I demand it," Shay nodded definitively.

"Ha! I _have_ to come? You _demand_ it?"

"What? Didn't you hear me?" Shay smirked.

"You really like to win, don't you?" Rafferty asked, still smiling but suddenly more serious.

"It isn't about winning right now. I want you to be there tonight. I'd really like to spend some time with you when you don't have to be all stuffy," Shay cocked an eyebrow and Rafferty fake-gasped at her insult. "Please come to Molly's tonight?" Shay asked, sincerely, quietly, resting her hand gently on Rafferty's forearm and making a point to not be 'too gay' about it.

Rafferty rolled her eyes but nodded, against her better judgment. How could she say no to those giant blue eyes?

Shay smiled the most peaceful, genuine smile that Rafferty had ever seen.

"And yes, I really do like to win."


	2. Chapter 2

2.

"So, what's new? I miss you. I even miss the ambo," Gabriela smiled wistfully, sipping her beer and looking across the small table at Shay. She missed their time together.

"Hmm..." Leslie thought, really trying to recall something 'new' to tell her best friend. Nothing was really new, but things weren't the same without Dawson, that was for sure. "Well, we got a call to a strip club today," Shay smirked. "New girl slipped off the pole and cracked her head open," she couldn't help but laugh. "It was extra funny since Rafferty is all homophobic or whatever. She just couldn't let it go without making a dyke joke," Shay told Dawson, but smiled at the thought rather than looking understandably disgusted.

"Is she still giving you trouble about that? Because you know if she is, I know people," Gabby told her, and she meant it. The moment that Rafferty moved to 51 and Shay told Dawson about some of the girl's comments, Dawson was ready to attack.

"She is, but like-"

Shay was interrupted by the sound of her phone alerting a text. She couldn't help but look at it. She had been holding her cell in her hand for the last thirty minutes, after expecting Rafferty to show up an hour ago. Leslie looked at her text and cracked up laughing, which didn't go unnoticed by Dawson. The text said: "I don't know what to wear. This good?" along with a picture of Rafferty in torn up jeans and a very gay-looking flannel shirt, unbuttoned quite a bit on top.

"Perfect," Shay responded to the message, complete with a winky face.

"Sorry," Shay apologised to Dawson for her lack of social etiquette. But she just couldn't ignore a text like _that_.

"Do you have a new girlfriend or something? I haven't seen you smile at your phone like that in- maybe ever," Dawson questioned with a smirk. She wasn't trying to be nosey; she just missed Shay so much and she felt like she was missing out on the girl's life for the first time in years.

"Naw," Shay chuckled, shaking her head. "It's just Rafferty," Shay turned her phone to Dawson to show her. "But if you tell her I showed you that she'll kill me, so don't," she laughed.

"Huh," Dawson said, more to herself, taking in the picture and the borderline flirtatious words that went along with it. "So that's her kind of gay joke?"

"No. I mean- yeah, I guess. Now," Shay stumbled. It was hard to put into words and she had never needed to try until now. "When I first met her, she seemed actually like a jerk homophobe, but now..." Shay trailed off, unsure about the 'now' part.

"So you two get along?" Dawson asked, trying to draw answers in her own, subtle way.

"We do," Shay nodded. "Very well. We actually have a lot of fun together, I think," she dased out for a minute, contemplating, but snapped herself back. "Enough about me. How's Casey? Where _is_ Casey?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Almost as soon as Shay had asked about Casey the man walked through the door to the bar, seeking out Dawson. Shay thought that it was as though his head-injury-spidey-sense had tingled. He greeted Dawson with a big kiss and sat down at their table, which kind of crushed Shay's catch-up time with Dawson. After reminding herself of all Dawson's questions about Rafferty, in retrospect Shay wasn't sure if she was glad for the interruption or not.

"Shay?!" Herrman yelled obnoxiously from behind the bar.

"What?!" Shay yelled back, matching his tone.

"A: You've barely touched your _only beer_. And B: Where the hell is Rafferty?!" he yelled.

It wasn't quite eight o'clock yet, so the bar wasn't technically open to the public, but Herrman had certainly gotten the attention of all of 51 and Shay blushed slightly, on both counts. She picked up her beer and chugged it, cheered on by all of her friends, slamming the glass down when it was empty and wiping her mouth.

"Rafferty's coming," she told him. She could have sworn that she heard Otis say, 'I'll bet she is...' from across the room.


	3. Chapter 3

i'm sorry that these chapters are so short. i have so much of this written already and i just try to type and publish it piece by piece whenever i can. thanks so much for the reviews and follows. please let me know what you think. i love this pairing. thanks.

3.

For probably the first time in it's existence, Molly's was packed. Every table, every bar stool and most of the floor space was covered in drinking, but good-natured humans. Herrman had done a great job of getting word out about the grand REopening, plus his family at 51 had all invited several people a piece. Herrman was thrilled and getting pretty drunk in celebration.

"I told you it was a good idea to hire a couple bartenders," Otis leaned upon Shay and Dawson, pointing at the bar where Herrman, who had intended to work as barkeep for the evening, was laughing and red-faced, wobbling behind it.

"We're not the ones who argued with you, Otis," Dawson pointed out.

"Yeah, it was that drunk guy behind the bar," Shay added, laughing with Herrman from all the way across the room.

The jukebox was blasting Guns N Roses and as Shay took a moment to analyse the room to discern who would have chosen that, she saw a timid head poke through the big wooden door. She would have been able to pick Rafferty out of any crowd, but in this one she was even more distinguishable.

Rafferty's face gave away how shocked she was at the joint being jumpin'. She looked scared and lost and overwhelmed, as though she may just turn around and walk right back out. Her eyes darted left and right, then back again, obviously not spotting Shay, who was deep into the room, but Shay watched her every movement, her every expression, and noticed that she had kept that flannel top on after all.

"One second," Shay held up a finger to Dawson, Casey, Otis and Katie, as she stood from her chair and made her way across the small bar.

"What's she doing?" Otis asked, looking after her.

"Raffery's here," Dawson told him, nodding toward the door.

"Aaaahhh..." Otis nodded, taking a big gulp of his beer. "So, are they... ya know?" he wagged his eyebrows and Katie smacked his chest.

"No!" Dawson answered, as though it was a stupid question, even though she wasn't sure it was.

"Mind your business, Brian," Katie told him, earning a sheepish, guilty look from Otis and laughs from Dawson and Casey.

xxxxxx

"Hey," Shay said calmly, as though she hadn't just wrestled through a jungle of people and was somehow just naturally and automatically at Rafferty's side.

"Hey," Rafferty smiled, and Shay saw relief wash over her, regardless of how hard she tried to hide it. "I didn't even see you."

"Yeah. We're over there," Shay pointed to her table through the crowd. "I saw you walk in," she looked away uncharacteristically shyly and Rafferty noticed.

"80s rock, huh?" Rafferty referred to the music flowing through the speakers. "Who let you make the playlist for the night?" she laughed and raised an eyebrow as Shay led her across the room by the arm.

"Jukebox. You can wait your turn," Shay shot at her. "And what would make you think that I would choose Guns N Roses?" she challenged.

"I don't know. It's pretty dykey, right?" Rafferty shrugged with a grin that Shay couldn't help but smile back at.

"It's not really my style."

"So what is?" Rafferty asked, curious despite herself.

"Someday I'll let you listen to my iPod," Shay grinned, a gleam in her eyes.

She led Rafferty to the table with the others and pulled out a chair for her. It wasn't a conscious decision, just natural for Shay.

"Oh, what a gentleman," Rafferty laughed, sitting down.

"I try," Shay shrugged, secretly embarrassed at being called out. "What are you drinking?"

"Rafferty's here!" Herrman yelled loudly, walking through the hatch in the bar toward them. "Look everybody! Rafferty's here!"

The patrons that were members of 51 cheered in response, the others looked lost but amused nonetheless. Severide, Cruz, Mills and Capp made their way over from the dartboard to join them. Everyone greeted Rafferty happily with either hugs or handshakes and Shay could see the woman's discomfort. She was torn between being happy to be accepted and overwhelmed by the love that was 51. Shay understood the feeling.

"Rafferty came!" Herrman said with a smile, shaking the girl's hand. "Do you know what that means?" he said, addressing the entire table. "Tequila shots!"


	4. Chapter 4

New chapter, y'all. Thanks to everyone to has followed/favourited/reviewed. I'm sorry if you think this story has a slow build; it does. I think that if they follow through with it on the show (which I'm hoping they will) that it would be a slowly evolving storyline, considering where both of the main characters are coming from. I'm simply trying to be realistic. If that bores you, I apologise. Thanks so much for reading. This hiatus is killing me, but at least it's giving me plenty of time to write. Please review. I need to know what y'all think of it in order to know where I want to go from here. Thanks.

4.

Three tequila shots in, Rafferty was thinking that this whole night was a bad idea. She knew it all along, tried to reason with Shay about it and yet here she was with a buzz on after just twenty minutes.

"So, how was the strip club run?" Otis asked with a grin, an arm around Katie and a slight gloss to his eyes.

"You're really on a roll tonight," Katie rolled her eyes at him.

"Aw, ya know. New girl couldn't cut it. Busted her head open," Rafferty explained. "But I'm sure you would have loved the surroundings as much as Shay did," she laughed, looking pointedly at Shay and elbowing her in the ribs, suddenly realising just how closely they were sitting. She consciously scooted away.

"Oh come on! Those girls weren't even attractive," Shay told her. "That was like the trash bag of Chicago."

"Oh, you like your women a little more high class?" Rafferty laughed.

"Yep," Shay nodded. "Like at the strip joint me and Kelly go to," she wagged her eyebrows and high-fived Severide.

"Who wants a drink?" Herrman piped up, suddenly at their table, and Shay was grateful for a subject change.

"No more tequila!" Rafferty spat out naturally and the entire table erupted into laughter.

"Good call," Shay agreed.

"Fair enough," Herrman nodded. "A round of beers, perhaps? Or can I get the ladies some mixed drinks?"

"How many mixed drinks have _you_ had, Herrman?" Shay asked, earning a laugh.

"Ha. Ha," Herrman dead-panned. "Beers it is, then," and he disappeared again behind the bar.

As Rafferty looked around the table, she began to get uncomfortable. Things had been going well, everyone was getting along great, but then Severide, Capp and Mills had gone off to finish their darts game, leaving her and Shay scrunched up with Dawson and Casey on one side of them and Otis and Katie on the other. Rafferty suddenly chuckled aloud, unintentionally drawing Shay's attention.

"What's so funny over there?" Shay asked, leaning a bit closer. The two sets of couples were wrapped up in their own conversations, so Shay knew that Rafferty was laughing all by herself.

"Dawsey," Rafferty pointed at Dawson and Casey, "and Otie," she pointed at the other couple, then laughed aloud again.

"Dawsey and Otie," Shay laughed hard. "I like that. You know I'm going to call them that now, right?"  
"Good," Rafferty tried to calm her laughter as Herrman delivered their beers.

"You guys having fun?" he asked hopefully.

"We are, thank you," Rafferty assured him.

"Yeah, we were just laughing at Dawsey and Otie over here," Shay added.

The second that the light bulb went off in Herrman's head he burst out laughing. "That's great! Who came up with that one?"

"Allison," Shay told him, her face still in the shape of laughter, feeling strangely as she realised that she had referred to Rafferty by her first name. It got Rafferty's attention as well and Herrman noticed.

"So if they're 'Dawsey' and 'Otie', then you two would be ... 'Shafferty?" Herrman beamed as the people at table burst into laughter; even Rafferty was red in the face, abs aching.

"'Shafferty' is way funnier than 'Otie'," Otis laughed.

"But we're _not_ a 'Shafferty' and you _are_ an 'Otie,'" Shay defended.

"Okay, 'Brangelina', calm your tits," Otis told her, causing them all to bust into laughter again.

Rafferty decided that maybe tonight wasn't such an awful idea after all.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Rafferty's beer was suddenly drained and Shay noticed that the girl had begun to get twitchy. She kept shifting her weight nearer to Shay, then further and back again. She was fiddling with her hands and pretending to listen to the conversations of her table-mates though her mind was obviously elsewhere.

"You ok?" Shay asked quietly, leaning nearer to her partner in an attempt to not draw further attention to the girl's discomfort. "Do you wanna do something? Shoot pool? Darts?" she offered, hoping her new friend wasn't too bored.

"Naw," Rafferty shook her head. "I think I'm gonna get some air," she told Shay uncomfortably, beginning to rise from her seat.

"Okay," Shay nodded, hoping that Rafferty was alright but allowing the girl her space.

Rafferty lingered at the table strangely for a moment before quietly saying, "Do you wanna come with me?"

Rafferty's eyes held a vulnerability that Shay was certain she had never seen in them before. She nodded silently as rose as well.

"We'll be right back." Shay told her friends before allowing Rafferty to lead her across the room and out the door.

xxx

Rafferty took a deep breath the moment that she stepped outside into the cold Chicago air. She walked across the sidewalk and leaned her back onto an SUV that Shay knew to be hers. Shay followed suit. They remained silent for a few moments, just leaning there and taking in the cold night, watching their breaths come out in warm wisps.

"Is it going ok in there?" Shay asked quietly. "I hope we're not boring you," she added sincerely.

"No, it's not that," Rafferty sighed, hating to show her weaknesses to anyone, let alone Leslie Shay. "I just get...overwhelmed, you know?" she glanced at Shay quickly, then away. "You probably _don't_ know," she scoffed before Shay had even had a chance to respond. "You're so good with this kind of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Shay asked, truly not knowing, unintentionally leaning closer to Allison.

"People stuff," Rafferty said, as though it should all make perfect sense then. "I mean, you just got this natural charm about you. I bet you've never felt uncomfortable in a room full of people," she rested her head back onto the SUV with a quiet 'thud.'

"No, I have. I know exactly what you mean," Shay told her, looking at Rafferty desperately, waiting for more information. Every piece that Rafferty gave was like a little gift to Shay; she knew that Rafferty didn't share often, and Shay felt _so_ lucky to be the recipient.

"Everybody's been really nice," Rafferty admitted.

"They like you," Shay told her.

Rafferty shrugged uncomfortably, her head nearly touching Shay's shoulder. "Do they? I feel like your BFF Dawson hates my guts."

"She doesn't hate you," Shay said, hoping that she wasn't lying to the girl. "She gets a little defensive about me," she admitted, quieting.

"So let me guess: You told her all the rude, anti-gay stuff that I said to you and now she's holding onto it?" Rafferty called her out, turning slightly to face her.

"Yeah," Shay nodded and looked away, ashamed. "But I didn't know you then. And I didn't know that it was just temporary thing and that you wouldn't keep hating me- unless you _do_ still hate me and just got good at pretending," she rambled nervously. "But I showed her the pictu-" Shay stopped herself, way too late, and Rafferty's eyes widened and her mouth fell open in shock.

"You better not even be talking about the picture I sent you tonight."

Rafferty was facing her suddenly- in her face- and it made Shay nervous. She just wasn't sure why yet.

"Well...yeah. I mean, I just..." Shay stumbled.

"Yeah? What's gonna be your excuse for that one?" Rafferty challenged loudly, stepping even closer, somehow, Shay's back pressed hard against the SUV.

"I was happy," Shay answered softly, throwing Rafferty for a loop without having to try. "I saw your text and I smiled, and I was happy. And Gabby called me out on it, so I showed her," Shay shrugged, unable to allow her eyes to linger on Rafferty's for long.

"What'd she say?" Rafferty softened, taking her spot back next to Shay, against the car.

"She asked if that was your idea of a gay joke and I told her, 'yeah, now.' So she knows it's not like you're bad to me."

"She thought I was bad to you?" Allison asked with so much softness and sadness in her voice that it stopped Shay's breath.

Shay inhaled deeply and forced herself to be honest.

"I mean- yeah. All she knew at first was that my new partner was homophobic and not afraid to say so. I told her that we've been getting along since then... She was surprised that you were coming tonight. So, yeah, I showed her the picture," Shay explained, looking at Rafferty out of her periphery and wondering what was going through the girl's mind.

"So what does she think now?" Rafferty asked, leaning closer again, her cheek grasing Shay's shoulder for just a moment before she righted herself.

"I don't know. We'll have to gossip about you after tonight's interaction," Shay smirked. "I'll let you know."

Silence fell over them, both deep in contemplation and curious about what the other was thinking. Their sides were touching, barely, but neither made note of it, positive or negative, as if calling attention to it would make it too real and end it.

"We should probably get back in there before they think that we're making out or something," Shay had to take the chance at the jab.

"I really am sorry, you know," Rafferty said quietly, seemingly not hearing Shay's gay joke at all, "for how I treated you at first."

"I know," Shay nodded, turning onto her side and facing the girl directly. "That wasn't you. But I didn't know that then."

"But it _was_ me. A month ago, that's who I was. I wasn't trying to be tough or rude. I had no idea that a few weeks later that _wouldn't_ be me anymore," Rafferty admitted, glancing up at Shay and realising that their faces were just a little bit too close now. The warmth coming off of Shay's body was a comforting, bittersweet distractor, and that realisation terrified her.

"For what it's worth, I like you better now," Shay smiled, reaching up and running her hand down Rafferty's arm before she had had a chance to think it through. She immediately regretted it, but Allison smiled, unintentionally reassuring her.

"I think I like me better now, too."


	6. Chapter 6

This takes place about a week and a half to two weeks after Chapter 5 left off. There are a lot of text message conversations in this chapter, so for lack of confusion texts are underlined. If it's hard to read or annoying/confusing in any way, please let me know so that I can make the proper adjustments. Thanks to everyone for reading/reviewing/following. I hope you're liking the story. Also, warning for language in this chapter. Nothing graphic, but several swear words. Thanks.

6.

The Blackhawks were down by two and it was only the beginning of the first period. Shay and Severide were drinking their beers and enjoying 'bro's night in' since Otis was actually out of the apartment for once, presumably with Katie. Shay knew better than to ask.

"They better get their shit together," Severide spoke half into his beer bottle, knowing well that if Chicago lost to Detroit at home the entire city would be in an uproar.

"They will," Shay assured him. "It's only the first period."

"Exactly."

Shay's phone beeped with a text and she was surprised; everyone she knew had plans tonight, their very welcomed night off. Everyone except...

"Is there an 'L Word' marathon on or are you doing something even more gay?" the text from Rafferty read, causing Shay to smile and immediately begin to type.

"Depends. Which is gayer? A Showtime melodrama about fictional lesbians or watching hockey with your bro like a _real_ dyke?"

Shay's phone beeped again almost immediately.

"Either way. Pretty fucking gay."

"Since when are you the expert on all things homosexual? Let me guess; you're home alone with several cats watching 'the real housewives of wherever the hell?'" Shay smirked as she hit 'send.'

"Rafferty?" Severide said suddenly, tearing Shay away from her phone and pulling her back to reality. The hawks had scored a goal and she hadn't even noticed, not that she'd admit that.

"What about her?" Shay spat back at him.

"That's who you're talking to, right?" he said slowly, pointedly, like she was dumb.

"What would make you think it was Rafferty?" she rolled her eyes and shifted on the couch uncomfortably.

"She's the only one that makes you smile at your phone like an idiot," he told her honestly, earning a coaster thrown frisbee-style at his head.

Shay's phone beeped again and she made a point to remain straight-faced as she read.

"Close. 'Grey's Anatomy. And I don't have any cats."

"Be careful. That show has lesbians on it. Wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea about you," Shay texted back.

"God forbid," came the instant reply.

"Why don't you just invite her over to watch the rest of the game with us?" Kelly asked, no joking nor rudeness in the question.

"'Cause it's bro's night," Shay argued. "She's just bored. Plus it would be _way_ too gay for her to come over here and watch hockey," she laughed.

"Oh," Kelly seemed awkward suddenly. "Well, 'cause Erin might stop by in a little. Watch the game and head to Molly's after," he said sheepishly, feeling guilty to interrupt 'bro's night' for a chick if Shay wasn't willing to do the same.

"You know she's just playing you, right?" Shay told him, her sisterly protectiveness coming out. She liked Erin, she really did, but she worried that Kelly was getting in over his head. "Gabby told me that Antonio said Erin and Halstead have been getting called out at work for mixing business with pleasure, if you know what I mean," she wagged her eyebrows.

"Playing me..." Kelly repeated quietly, annoyed. "It's not even like that, Shay. Erin and I hang sometimes, that's it. We're not married."

"I'm just saying, be careful," Shay shrugged.

"Well if that's not the big gay pot calling the kettle black," Kelly shook his head and sat forward, obviously roped into this conversation now.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?!" Shay scoffed.

"It means you're the big gay pot," he laughed thickly. "Warning me about Erin when you're letting Rafferty play her little game."

"What game?" she asked, though she immediately regretted it.

"Little miss comes in acting all homophobic. She was a total bitch to you and now a few weeks later she's spending all her down time flirting with you in the rig, texting you every time she's bored."

'Right. _That_ game,' Shay thought.

"So? We're friends, Kelly," she argued anyway.

"_Are_ you?" he challenged.

"Yes!"

"And you don't like her -_like _her- even a little bit?"

"And you don't _like_ Erin?! And mind your damn business!"

In retrospect, Shay decided _that_ certainly wasn't the best tactic if she wanted to win her argument. But she had never been good at lying to Kelly.

"It doesn't matter if I like Erin because I'm not turning it into something it's not," Kelly sighed.

"And I am?"

"I don't know. Are you? You haven't dated anyone, you've even been bailing on the strip club to sit at home and text your homophobe girlfriend for hours—"

The doorbell rang out shrilly, pulling them both out of the heat of their argument. Shay took a deep breath and rolled her eyes at Kelly, feeling more than ever like they were siblings. With Lindsay there they would never get to finish their argument; Shay wasn't sure she minded that idea right now.

"Look, Shay, you know I'm just looking out for you," Kelly said calmly as he made his way to the door. "If you and Rafferty are friends, cool. If you're more than friends, that's cool too. But don't let her fuck around with you and break your heart."

"Deal," Shay nodded. "Just remember to take your own advice.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

The first period was coming to a close and the Blackhawks were still down by one. Leslie, Kelly and Erin sat watching the game, sipping beers and talking, and Shay was trying hard not to feel like a third wheel. Kelly was her best friend and he tried hard to never let her feel left out, but the little glances that he and Erin were sending each other were about to make Shay puke. She wished at least that she had someone there to make fun of him with her.

"Do you like hockey?" Shay texted out quickly, testing the waters in a sense.

"I'm more into football. Why?" Rafferty responded, and it worried Shay that there was no sarcastic comeback.

"Thought maybe you'd want to gay it up and come over to finish watching the game with me. Erin came over and I need someone to make fun of Kelly's pathetic puppy dog face with," Shay typed, trying to sound as casual and careless as possible in spite of the fact that she was inviting the girl over.

When several minutes passed without a reply, Shay was sure she had fucked up. She assumed she had crossed the lines of her partnership and that Allison was somewhere puking her straight little guts out at the offer.

'Oh well,' Shay thought. She tried.

Shay's phoned beeped as the second period was getting under way and she felt torn between diving onto the phone to see what it said and letting it go for a minute in order to not seem desperate. She opted for somewhere in between.

"Ok."

'"Ok."'?! Shay thought, reading way too much into the two-letter response. 'Ok'?! No pun? No gay joke? No argument to seem disinterested? Just an 'Ok.' What the hell was happening? The simplicity and sincerity of 'Ok' was terrifying. A few minutes later, Shay's phone beeped again.

"Well are you gonna text me your address? I'm not a fucking mind reader."


	7. Chapter 7

here's chapter 7. sorry it took longer than usual to update. at the request of some of you, i'm trying to make the chapters longer instead of just posting when i finish a scene or two. i hope you like this one. again, sorry for the slow build. i'm just trying to be true to life. thanks for reading and reviewing, and also please read and review. i want to know where y'all are at with this story thus far. thanks a lot and enjoy.

7.

"Come on, Red Wings! Get it together!" Allison called loudly and intentionally dramatically as the Blackhawks scored, finally tying it up.

All three heads (Severide, Shay and Lindsay) turned in unison to stare at Rafferty like she was the devil's spawn.

"What?" Rafferty shrugged, sinking back into the couch next to Shay. "I'm not from here. Someone's gotta root for the underdog."

"You're not from Detroit, either!" Shay argued, pushing Rafferty even deeper into the couch by her shoulders.

"So?" Rafferty smirked.

"So?!" Kelly piped up. "This is the wrong crowd to be with to root for the underdog for underdog's sake," he laughed. "Beers?" he asked, rising from the couch and looking to the women before heading to the kitchen, empty bottle in hand. Shay and Lindsay nodded in approval but Rafferty looked skeptical.

"Well, I drove, so..." was her argument, and a fair and safe one, at that. The game was nearly over and she had probably had her quota on beers if she was driving herself home.

"You're not coming to Molly's after?" Severide asked innocently, assuming. "We'll walk there and take a cab back or whatever."

Shay felt awkward immediately after the words had left Severide's mouth. She hadn't asked Rafferty about going to Molly's and now she worried that Allison would think that she had left her out intentionally. Shay thought that she would have a hard enough time getting Allison to come over at all, which as it turned out was not the case, but she couldn't have predicted that.

"Oh, I didn't hear about Molly's," Rafferty said casually, though a smirk lingered on her lips as she acted like she didn't notice Shay shifting uncomfortably on the cushion next to her.

"Well I didn't know if _I_ was gonna go, and I didn't think that _you_ would even come over here, let alone go out to Molly's, so..." Shay mumbled, pulling at the bottom of her t-shirt nervously.

"Do you _want _to go?" Rafferty asked, tilting her head to look Shay in the eye despite her avoidance.

"I mean..." Shay stuttered. Rafferty was playing with her and she knew it. She just didn't know what the intended outcome was. Did Rafferty hope that she would say yes, just to shut her down and laugh? Shay couldn't help but worry. But the night had been going so well that Shay also couldn't help but think that maybe- just maybe- Rafferty actually wanted to prolong it. "I _would _want to go. I didn't think _you_ would. If you're cool with leaving your car here. And I'd have to change..." she rambled.

"What? Are you a chick now?" Severide interrupted, causing Lindsay and Rafferty to crack up.

"Fuck you," Shay said nearly inaudibly, embarrassed.

"Molly's or no Molly's. It's not a big deal," he smirked, handing a beer to each of the girls (Rafferty included) regardless.

"Molly's," Shay and Rafferty said simultaneously, causing them to look at each other sharply and then crack up.

"See?" Severide grinned as he plopped himself back onto the couch. "That wasn't hard."

xxxxxxxx

"I could have driven," Rafferty noted, irritated, three-fourths of the walk to Molly's and completely frozen. Severide and Lindsay were walking several feet ahead of her and Shay and despite the funny banter and conversation that had occurred during the walk, Allison was very much over it.

"So you'd rather leave your car at Molly's than at our place?" Shay rolled her eyes but smiled. "Bad plan."

"Well, I just mean..."

"You're freezing," Shay laughed. "We know what you mean." She pushed Rafferty's shoulder and caused her to stumble sideways only to come back to push Shay twice as hard, laughing all the while.

"You didn't drink enough to keep warm," Severide told her with a grin.

"Well it _is_ only like ten degrees out," Lindsay shrugged, understanding.

"And if _that's_ your idea of a winter coat in Chicago, you deserve to be cold," Shay nodded toward the Sherpa-lined hoodie that Rafferty was wearing.

"Well if _someone_ had mentioned that we were going to Molly's and that I'd have to walk a mile to a bar in the ten degrees then maybe I would have dressed more appropriately," Rafferty defended, walking nearer to Shay and her big, warm coat subconsciously.

"Half-mile," Kelly corrected absently.

"Would you feel better if I kept you in my coat with me?" Shay smiled, joking, noticing Rafferty's sudden nearness to her.

"We're almost there," Severide told her, trying to save her from his best friend's incessant natural flirtation.

"Maybe you should just _give_ me your coat, I mean, since you're such a gentleman and all," Rafferty smiled back.

"I'm not _that_ much of a gentleman," Shay laughed, unzipping her long coat and pulling Rafferty toward her by the arm. Rafferty only fought back for a second before she felt the warmth emanating off of Shay from within her coat. Shay wrapped Allison up into one side of it, arm strong around her waist, and continued walking as though nothing had happened.

"Damn, you're warm," Allison said quietly, naturally, feeling a huge difference in her temperature and comfort after only a few seconds of being wrapped in Shay's embrace. "I mean- your coat's warm," she corrected.

"It ain't the coat," Shay grinned, wagging her eyebrows and causing Rafferty to burst out laughing and draw herself even nearer.

There was something about Shay, Rafferty decided, that allowed her to feel the warmth that she provided; not just literally, but figuratively as well. Shay allowed Rafferty to _feel-_ strongly and naturally- whatever it was that she happened to be feeling at any given moment and not be ashamed or afraid of it. Even on the job, when things got rough Shay assured Allison that any reaction she had or emotion she felt was okay and understandable. Allison had never felt that sense of comfort, personally or professionally, with another human before, and she was so grateful for it.

"We're here," Severide said excitedly, admitting his own coldness and eying the big wooden door to Molly's.

"I'm with Rafferty, though. If we ain't taking a cab back, I'm sleeping here," Lindsay said, shaking herself off.

"You'll warm up once we get a few drinks in you," Kelly smiled, wrapping an arm around the girl.

"You too," Shay said, squeezing Rafferty even closer to her within her coat before she released the girl from her grasp, missing the warmth (and the feeling of Allison's body pressed against her side) immediately.


	8. Chapter 8

here we go. it's been written for a few days but i wanted to get it posted before tonight's episode, because who knows how the new episode could spin the story (positively or negatively). thanks to everyone for the positive feedback and the reads. i hope you're still liking it. i'm in the process of writing chapter nine now, but after tonight's episode i'll see where i'm going with it. this is a bit of filler, i'm afraid, and some personal Allison Rafferty contemplation. I hope that's ok. thanks again. let me know what you think.

8.

The four friends were happy to find the bar sparse with clientele and many of their friends sitting around a table. The Hawks had pulled through and won by one and the remaining patrons seemed to be in good spirits.

"Heeeeyy!" Cruz, Mills and Clarke yelled in unison, drawing Otis and Katie's attention (from each other) to say hello as well.

"What brings you guys around so late?" Mills asked, shaking hands with Severide and Lindsay and squishing Shay and Rafferty together in an embrace.

"Just finished watching the game and decided to stop by," Severide told them, taking a seat.

As Clarke hugged Shay hello, Rafferty leaned in just close enough to ask, "What're you drinking?"

"Oh, I'll go," Shay offered, pulling away from her crew, but Rafferty was already raising her hands in protest.

"_I'll_ go," Rafferty assured her. "What are you drinking?" she smiled.

Shay contemplated for a moment. "Surprise me," she decided with a grin.

"Bold move," Rafferty raised an eyebrow, pushing Shay's shoulder and leaving her to talk with her friends.

"I'm with you," Erin nodded toward the bar, walking with Rafferty.

"What can I get you ladies?" the attractive but insincere bartender asked, eying the entire group shamelessly.

"We should get them something rough," Erin decided with a laugh.

"Yeah? I'm not sure what," Rafferty shrugged.

"Shay told you to surprise her," Erin wagged her eyebrows in a way that almost made Rafferty uncomfortable, as though she was no longer talking about just the drinks. She shrugged it off. "Let's start with nine shots of Jack," Erin continued casually and the bartender got out a tray. "So... what are you surprising her with?"

"I don't know any surprising drinks," Rafferty shrugged. What did 'Surprise me,' mean, anyway? Was it just a casual comment meaning 'anything will do' or did Shay really want to be surprised? Rafferty decided that she was over-analysing again.

"What does she like?" the bartender asked.

"Um... beer. And Captain Morgan," Rafferty thought.

"Those aren't surprising at all," the bartender told her almost offensively.

"Can I just get two Captain and root beers?" Rafferty huffed out, done playing the 'surprise me' game.

"You tryin' to get her drunk?" Lindsay laughed, elbowing her.

"One's for me," she rolled her eyes.

"Make it three," Lindsay decided on the drink for herself as well. "And a Sam Adams. Guys are so much easier," she smiled.

Rafferty self-consciously wondered if that was a pointed comment. Was she reading too far into all of Lindsay's little quips? Did Erin feel that she was lucky to be dealing with a male and thinking that Rafferty was 'dealing' with a female? Did Lindsay think that this was a date for her and Shay? Did it _seem_ like this was a date? Yes... Rafferty realised. It did. She was unsure how to feel about that fact and decided she wouldn't over-think it. She would try _really _hard not to over-think it.

The girls returned to the table with their tray of whiskey shots, earning a big cheer and high-fives from everyone in appreciation. Evidently _that_ was a good choice, at least.

"Aw, you surprised me with alcohol poisoning!" Shay gushed, putting her arm around Rafferty and squeezing jokingly.

"You wish they were all for you," Rafferty scoffed, sitting next to the girl, scrunching in next to everybody. "This is for you, though," she added, handing the girl her drink.

"What is it?" Shay smiled.

"A surprise," Allison smiled back as they all raised their shot glasses.

Xxxxxxx

Clarke supplied the following round of whiskey shots; Mills the one after that. Rafferty looked around the crowd of her acquaintances, almost friends, some of them, and wondered what she had gotten into. She chuckled quietly to herself as she contemplated the situation. Coming in to 51, Allison decided that she would absolutely not get attached. Not to the house nor any of the people in it. This was just a job, after all, and she had no intention nor desire to actually become a part of these people's lives. And yet, here she was hanging out with her co-workers by choice, again. She rolled her eyes at the absurdity of it all. It was all that damn Leslie Shay. It was her fault, and Rafferty would always lie the blame (credit) on her. Shay brought Rafferty out of her shell, introduced her to her friends on a personal level, and Rafferty couldn't believe how well it had gone. She also couldn't believe how buzzed she was after just twenty minutes. Again.

"You having a conversation with yourself over there? Contemplating quantum physics? Are you really _here_?" Shay waxed analytical and Rafferty laughed heartily. Apparently her partner had been witnessing her little rumination and had found it quite amusing.

"Nah, I'm just thinking about this whole situation," Rafferty admitted to her partner- her friend.

"What situation?" Shay asked, suddenly serious.

"Hanging out here with all of you guys," Rafferty shrugged. "I told myself I wouldn't do that here," she told her, unsure why she was being so honest. She could have just told Shay she had to pee and the conversation would have been over.

"But...?" Shay asked, leaning a little more closely to hear the woman over all of their friends rowdy conversations.

"I'm just surprised how well it's gone," Rafferty shrugged.

"Aw... you like us, don't you?!" Shay grinned sincerely, sipping her drink with one hand and wrapping the other arm around Rafferty's shoulders.

"I don't know if I'd go _that_ far," Rafferty scowled, pushing Shay's arm off of her playfully.

"They like you," Shay told her, more serious now, putting her arm back in place around Rafferty.

"I remember you told me that once before and I didn't believe you," Rafferty said, mostly thinking aloud.

"And now?" Shay couldn't help but ask upon seeing the content smile on the other woman's face.

Rafferty shrugged, suddenly self-conscious and done sharing her feelings; she had done enough of that for one night and she was still drinking. She leaned closer into Shay's half-embrace naturally and took a drink. She had no idea that her actions were so much more of an answer for Shay than any words could ever be.


	9. Chapter 9

this chapter is a bit rushed, i'm afraid. i wrote most of it on a whim at work. if you find any errors or discrepancies please let me know and i will correct them. i turned the story a little more quickly than i anticipated, but don't get the wrong idea; we're still building. please let me know what you think. thanks so much for all of the feedback. i love it.

9.

"Dude, the bartender just keeps _staring _at you," Otis piped up suddenly, looking directly at Shay. "She has been ever since you got here. She didn't look at any of us once before you came in."

Shay was immediately annoyed at the interruption of her and Rafferty's conversation, but she reminded herself not to be; her friends were important. She looked up at the bar to catch the girl mid-glance and froze like a duck. The bartender smiled directly at Shay and even nodded, obviously not minding the attention having been brought to her. Shay smiled back painfully awkwardly and looked away.

"I noticed that, too," Rafferty added with a hint of almost-irritation to her voice, leaning away from Shay's remaining embrace.

"Yeah, she wants the D," Shay shrugged, obviously careless and disinterested.

"Why don't you go talk to her?" Otis asked excitedly, earning an unnoticed eye-roll from Katie.

"Meh," Shay shrugged, leaning subconsciously nearer to Rafferty.

"You haven't had a date in forever," Severide added with a smirk, making his point from earlier and knowingly making his best friend uncomfortable.

The look of confusion on Erin's face was not lost on Allison. So she _did_ think that this was a date for Shay and Rafferty. The detective looked as though she wanted to say something but knew well enough to keep her mouth shut.

"She's not my type," Shay told them, trying to casually end the topic and move on to _anything _else.

"That never stopped you before," Otis laughed and Shay punched him hard in the chest.

Rafferty could sense Shay's discomfort and wanted to save the girl, she just didn't know how. These people were her best friends and they weren't about to let up the torture just because Shay was uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. Rafferty also didn't know why she had such a constraining feeling in her chest at the thought of Shay and the bartender. Okay- so she _did_ know why- she just pushed it far away from her mind.

"If Shay doesn't like the girl, she doesn't like her," Rafferty piped up, surprised by the amount of thick annoyance in her own voice.

Erin looked around like, 'See? I told you so,' but no one else noticed.

"She's too trashy for Shay, anyway," Allison continued.

Surprised by Rafferty's sudden input, the boys shut up about it, finally. Shay looked to Rafferty and smiled gratefully, noticing as Rafferty leaned into her once again.

"She's still staring at you, though," Otis couldn't help but point out the bartender unabashedly eying Shay.

"I'll fix that," Shay grinned proudly, putting her arm around Allison once again and drawing her near. "Just go with it," Shay whispered softly into the woman's ear, unintentionally grazing it with her lips, just barely. Shay felt Allison shudder at the contact and a surge ran through her.

Rafferty decided that she would do just what Shay had asked- go with it. There was no harm in helping a friend out of an awkward situation with a stranger, right? She was strong enough (inebriated enough) to play along and not worry about the repercussions. She nuzzled into Shay and smiled to herself, out of her own control. Shay kissed her temple softly, barely, then moved back to her ear.

"Is she still looking?" Shay whispered, and Rafferty closed her eyes, unable to handle the sensation.

Rafferty glanced at the bartender. "She looked away. And she looks pissed," she whispered back with a grin.

They stayed nuzzled like that for longer than they had to and both of them knew it, though neither of them stopped or separated themselves from the other.

"Well that's one way to solve a problem," Otis laughed, unable to tear his eyes away from Shay and Rafferty, whispering and giggling.

"Why were you guys trying to hook Shay up with the bartender?" Erin whispered to Kelly. The girls were so wrapped up in 'pretending' that she knew they wouldn't hear.

"Shay hasn't been out for a while. She's been closed off," Kelly admitted to her.

"Doesn't look too closed off to me," Erin laughed, nodding toward the snugly girls. "Aren't they on a date tonight?"

"They weren't supposed to be. I mean, I didn't _think_ they were supposed to be," Kelly smiled. "Hell, I don't think they thought they were, either. But maybe we were _all_ wrong," his eyes warmed.

Allison reached over to Shay's hand and threaded their fingers together gently, surprised at the feeling that such a simple touch caused to course through her. She smiled nervously to herself.

Shay leaned in and kissed Allison's jaw, just below her ear before whispering, "Bartender is over me. You can stop pretending now if you want."

Shay was feeling too much. She was overwhelmed and this was all becoming too real, too serious. She knew that she was long past pretending.

"Nah, I'm good," Rafferty smiled, not allowing herself to make eye contact with Shay for fear of her reaction to whatever it was that she would find lying in those crystal eyes. "I _am_ going to need another drink, though," she chuckled nervously, more genuine than she had ever hoped to be.

"Me, too," Shay admitted.

Rafferty sat up and removed herself from Shay's embrace, immediately cold and missing the girl's energy and warmth. She stretched a little and tried to ignore the fact that she watched Shay watched her. She couldn't.

"What are you drinking?" Rafferty asked, smiling down at Shay, now from a standing position. Her legs seemed to have gone numb, and she had forgotten that they were surrounded by people that were mostly strangers to her. Reality hit Rafferty and it hit her hard. Sure, her nice little bubble with Shay had made her feel happy- happier than she had remembered feeling in a long time, if ever- but she had to remind herself that real life prevailed.

"How long are we staying?" Shay asked in response to her question, in a sense leaving it all up to Rafferty.

"As long as you want," Allison answered, resting her hands on Shay's shoulders, pulling at the girl's long blond hair softly, for no other reason than in this moment she would give Shay anything she wanted. As much as she wanted to fight it, she realised that she couldn't deny that fact.

"Tequila."


	10. Chapter 10

This is another short chapter. I was conflicted about where to go with my story after Rafferty's suspension. I was tempted not to write it in at all, but I think that in the long run (after she's back) it will be easier to include it. This is a lot of text and emotion and not a lot of conversation. I know some of you hate that and I apologise. I feel it's necessary to let the readers know where these girls are coming from inside their own heads. Please read and review. I love all of your feedback. Thanks so much for all of the support thus far. I'm really beginning to think that Shafferty is going to canon-happen and that's much more likely if we're all very invested in it. Thanks y'all. Enjoy.

10.

So... Rafferty was suspended. The moment that Shay walked into the locker room to find the girl dressed in a sweater and jeans, she knew something was up. But in classic Leslie Shay style, she assumed the worst. A three-month suspension was actually _good_ news to Shay in comparison to any more permanent action being taken.

"I've spent the last six months trying to bring my fiance back from the grave. I need some time."

Shay wondered since the moment that they were on that fateful call with their 'devout friend' Jacob if Rafferty was doing this intentionally. At those words, she knew she had her answer and she felt at least partially to blame. She wasn't trying to be selfish; she knew that Rafferty had been through so much long before she knew her and that the woman had a lot of things to deal with. But just two night ago she and Rafferty were snuggling and whispering in each others ear at Molly's. Sure- it was just pretend. Except it wasn't. And Shay was pretty sure that they both knew that.

At start of shift today she and Rafferty were back to normal; they had both somehow succeeded in not letting it get weird between them and acting like it had never happened. So maybe Rafferty didn't let their elbows touch when they sat in the common room like they normally would. And maybe she didn't allow herself to hold Shay's gaze after they had made eye contact for as long as she would have three days ago. But Shay should have _expected_ all of that.

When Rafferty saw Jacob nodding in approval for treatment and Shay knew for a fact that he hadn't, she couldn't help but wonder if this was all her fault. They had gotten too close too quickly and now Rafferty was willing to do anything she needed to (including something as drastic as getting herself suspended for three months) in order to distance herself from the situation. To distance herself from Leslie Shay.

Shay was too realistic to assume that Rafferty would fall in love with her and that they'd live happily ever after, but they were in the process of building an undeniable _something_ that she hoped Rafferty also felt. Now she _knew_ that Rafferty felt it- only the other woman was running from it as fast as she could. Again, Shay shouldn't have been surprised.

"So... what are you going to do for three months?" Shay asked, acting casual although her heart was caught in her throat at the thought of never having the feeling of Allison near her again.

"I'm just going to try to get myself together. Take a break. Learn to be 'me' again, you know?" Rafferty told her honestly, leaning against her locker nearer to Shay.

Shay nodded, fully understanding that Allison needed this. "Will I- will I still see you?" her voice came out sounding like the saddest little puppy despite her efforts to keep her emotions in check.

"Do you _want_ to still see me?"

As soon as the question left Rafferty's lips she regretted it. It implied that she had been thinking _way_ too much about the situation and that she worried that Shay would be happy or relieved for her departure.

"_Of course_ I still want to see you! Are you crazy?" Shay had somehow left that whole 'emotions in check' thing far behind.

Rafferty shrugged but smiled at Shay's genuine response.

"Come to Molly's tonight," Shay said suddenly, as though the thought had just occurred to her (it had). "Hockey raffle."

Rafferty scrunched up her face in question. "Aahh, Molly's might have seen enough of me for a while," she chuckled nervously, remembering her last visit there.

"Never," Shay smiled softly.

"Okay..." Rafferty agreed, acting reluctant. "But I'm not gonna go out drinking with you all the time for my three months off," she laughed.

"Of course not," Shay smiled. "We'll stay in and drink sometimes, too," she smirked, causing Rafferty to laugh hard. "Okay, well, I'm gonna give you a hug now," she added, opening her arms in waiting.

"Meh," Rafferty tilted her head as if to say, 'Do you have to?' but she walked into Shay's arms anything but reluctantly and held the girl close.

Shay was reminded of the first hug they had shared. Despite it's warmth, and the obvious beginning of something, Shay could still feel all of the walls that Rafferty kept up around herself. Those walls seemed to be non-existent now.

"I'll pick you up at seven?" Shay asked as they each stepped slowly out of the embrace.

"Oh, you'll pick me up?" Rafferty scoffed with a grin.

"Yes, I will. It's what gentlemen do," Shay flashed a charming smile and Rafferty pushed her shoulder but couldn't help but sincerely smile back.

"I'll see you at seven."


	11. Chapter 11

here's a short (ok, _tiny_) chapter just to hold y'all over. i'm not giving up on this fic, by any means. sorry this is such a teaser chapter, i just needed to keep your attention. it will get better soon. please spread the shafferty love, read and review. even if you review to tell me that this sucks and is way too short i'd appreciate it. thanks.

11.

Shay stood behind the bar at Molly's, pacing anxiously and inadvertently ignoring a few customers who were waiting to be served; she didn't even notice them. Rafferty watched the girl's furrowed brow and subconscious lip-biting from the other side of the counter with a smirk on her face.

"It's almost raffle time..." Rafferty practically sang, reminding Shay unnecessarily and grinning evilly as she did so.

"Shut up," Shay spat, reaching across the counter to snatch Rafferty's glass of whiskey cola and chugging it.

"Hey!" Rafferty gasped, despite her laughter. "No drinking on the job!"

"Listen," Shay wiped her mouth obnoxiously, "I'm about to do this whole public speaking thing, which I am _so_ not a fan of. I need something to take the edge off," she explained, her eyes darting around the crowded bar with fear.

"Public speaking?" Allison laughed. "You have to read a couple of numbers off of a raffle ticket; you're not exactly MLK."

"Ha. Ha," Shay said dryly, rolling her eyes as she began to make a drink to replace Allison's. "If it's _so_ easy then why don't you just do it for me?"

"Hell no," Rafferty said immediately, shaking her head. "A: I don't work here and B: I bought a ticket. If I read it, I'm rigging it," she admitted.

Shay took a big gulp of Rafferty's new drink before setting it in front of the girl with a grin.

"Okay," Shay shook herself off in preparation. "It's time."

"You got this," Rafferty assured her, resting her hand on top of Shay's for at least a moment longer than necessary. "It'll be over in a second and then Herrman can serve drinks and you can come drink with me," she smiled sincerely, squeezing Shay's hand before removing her own.

"Okay," Shay nodded confidently, calming without realising it. "I got this."


	12. Chapter 12

so y'all... this hiatus (even though it's only two weeks) is killing me. i don't want people (or myself) to lose interest in this story. here's chapter twelve. i'm not a needy person but honestly i need some reviews and love to keep me going. no that's not a threat :) i'm just letting this story take itself wherever it would like and i need a little reaffirmation. i'm trying to work on it's never for me anymore but i'm not as invested in it as i am in this. i hope y'all like this chapter. please read and review and i'm perfectly happy for any advice or feedback. thanks.

12.

Shay tried to ignore her sweaty palms and racing heart as she jumped down from atop the bar after finally announcing the raffle winner. Whether she realised it or not, Rafferty had kept her strong. After all, the girl was right: it was just reading a few numbers off of a ticket. Shay thought about how odd it was, the things that scared people. She was a paramedic, walking into potentially dangerous situations every day without hesitation. She had been nearly hit by a car, shot at and _actually _hit by a car and none of that had fazed her, yet little things like public speaking and Allison Rafferty terrified her.

'Sometimes people need help even when they don't realise it.'

The words kept replaying through her mind, the image of Rafferty nodding at her genuinely followed. She wanted to be the one to help her partner but she wasn't sure that she was the right person for the job. In many ways, Shay felt just as broken as Rafferty, and she felt too much for the girl to potentially hurt her more. What if Allison was just going through something in the midst of her healing and Leslie Shay had nothing to do with it? It would have been possible (and understandable) if Rafferty was just looking to feel _something, _but it was already more than that for Shay and nothing had even happened. The girl had Shay's mind racing; every look they shared, their little touches and flirty banter would drive Shay crazy over-analyzing each time they parted. Shay wondered if Allison was going crazy too, if Allison even thought of her outside of work. As much as she was beginning to care about the girl, Shay could not allow herself to be broken again by someone who simply didn't care as much.

"Rafferty wants you."

"What?! No she doesn't!" Shay snapped at Herrman's words, ripped out of her daze and becoming red in the face, wide-eyed.

"Uh... yeah, she does," Herrman smirked, pointing across the bar to where Rafferty was seated with Capp and Mills. "She's been trying to get your attention for like two minutes. Where the hell were you, anyway?"

"Oh, I uh- I was somewhere else," Shay stumbled, embarrassed by her miscommunication.

"No shit," Herrman laughed. "But like I said, Rafferty wants you," he repeated, this time with a slight elbow to Shay's ribs to let her know that he knew _exactly_ what he was saying.

Xxxxxxxxx

The mood in the apartment was light- just what everyone needed; good music playing (relatively) softly in the background, plentiful drinks, good conversation and company. Despite Rafferty's reservations about going to casa de Shay, Severide and Otis for 'party night', she was glad that Shay had convinced her to come. Rafferty had been on suspension for nearly three weeks and she already felt as though she could lose her mind at any moment. She got out as much as she could (without becoming an alcoholic) and she was taking the whole situation as well as possible; seeing a counselor, writing a lot, getting back in touch with herself. But the realisation that she was only three weeks in to a three _month_ suspension had hit her, and it terrified her. Tonight was her night of fun. Tonight she was going big or going home- except she probably _wasn't_ going home, because it was only nine-thirty and she had a decent bit to drink already.

"Rafferty!" Dawson called from the edge of the pool table, a grin on her face. "You and Shay are up. Me and Lindsay won," she smiled, pushing Casey away from her as he pouted at his loss. "Where _is _Shay?"

"Um..." Rafferty looked around the room, not realising that Shay had disappeared for long enough for her to fall into a quiet contemplation. "Give me a minute," Rafferty held up a finger, wandering away from the living room and toward the kitchen. "Shay?" Rafferty called softly, getting no response in the buzzing apartment; between the music and the content conversations, there was no way Shay would have heard her. "Shay?!" Rafferty called, a bit louder this time, as she neared the kitchen.

"In here!" Shay called from the counter, looking like a mad scientist leaning over two cups and several bottles, mixing and sipping and not bothering to look up from her work.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rafferty laughed, nearing Shay and leaning up against the counter next to her, peeking over her shoulder to see just what she was up to.

"Experimenting," Shay told her honestly, sipping from a cup before making a disgusted face and setting it back down.

"And I thought you got that out of your system in college," Rafferty smirked, picking up the cup that Shay had just sat down and sniffing it.

"Ha ha," Shay rolled her eyes. "So I've heard that I'm not the _best _bartender, which never bothered me. Except now I _have _to be a bartender at least once a week and I'd rather not suck at it," she sighed, picking up the other cup and taking a sip. "Try this," she offered it to Rafferty with a look of child-like excitement on her face.

"What is it?" Rafferty scrunched up her nose, taking the cup.

"I honestly don't even know anymore," Shay grinned. "I just know that it's strong and it doesn't suck nearly as much as the other one."

Rafferty smiled, shrugged and took a sip. It was actually quite delicious. It tasted like a rum cola with a fresh citrus-y twist. She liked it.

"Shay, this is great," Rafferty told her, taking another drink.

"Good," Shay smiled. "I made it just for you. I'm going to call it "the Allison'," she elbowed the girl playfully.

"Which would be awesome and really sweet if you even knew what the hell you'd put in it," Rafferty smiled.

"Good point," Shay frowned.

"You and I are up on pool," Rafferty informed her, picking up the rejected first cup of _whatever_ and taking a sip. It wasn't good, but it was strong and Allison had had just a few drinks enough to not mind the taste.

"Who won?" Shay asked, taking the gross cup from Rafferty and sipping it herself. "Isn't that nasty?" she laughed.

"Meh," Rafferty shrugged. "Dawson and Lindsay," she stole the cup back and took another sip.

"You're gross," Shay stuck out her tongue, leaning in to Rafferty just enough to get to the girl.

"_You're_ gross! You made this shit. I'm just being the helpful friend and not wasting your booze," Allison grinned, downing the rest of the nasty drink.

"Oh, is _that_ what you are?" Shay flashed a smile, leaning closer and stealing Allison's cup of actually tasty drink.

"Hey, that's mine," Rafferty argued as Shay took a gulp.

"I thought they were all yours," Shay smiled, sipping it again.

"They are. And if you could replicate that drink I wouldn't mind as much. I really liked it." Rafferty admitted.

"I'll figure it out," Shay shrugged. "Besides, I have my helpful friend here to be my guinea pig," she added, wrapping her arm around Allison's waist as she lead the girl back to the living room. "So the boys lost the pool game, huh?"

"Yep, but it could have had something to do with Dawson and Lindsay leaning over the pockets while they guys were trying to shoot," Allison chuckled at the girl's simple ways of distraction.

"It's a good thing we're on a team together, then," Shay grinned.


	13. Chapter 13

this is a bit quick and scattered. i didn't know where to go with this scene and so i let it go itself and this is where it ended up. should i end the party scene after this chapter or incorporate some more shafferty closeness? I love and need feedback. this is just a fun little chapter with only subtle character/relationship development. please review. i want all input. thanks so much for reading and caring. let me know what you think.

13.

"Bitch!" Dawson exclaimed, after Rafferty had sunk her third low ball in a row immediately following Lindsay's less than impressive break.

"What?" Rafferty grinned, raising her eyebrows conceitedly. "I got this."

"I would have thought that you had drank so much that you couldn't see straight enough to shoot pool," Lindsay admitted.

"Naw," Rafferty chuckled, though her eyes did begin to blur, taking her fourth shot and _barely_ missing as the four tapped off the edge of the pocket and away. "You better step it up," she said to Shay, regarding the girl's turn coming up, but Leslie was elsewhere.

Leslie Shay was bewildered. Maybe bewildered wasn't the right word, she thought, but it was one of the many adjectives that could have been used to describe her feelings right now. Astonished. Impressed. Surprised. _Aroused?!_ Watching Rafferty kick ass at pool was doing things to her, and she was sure that it was not just the alcohol that she had imbibed. The control that the woman had, the _skill_, had thrown Shay off guard and left her in some daydream reverie. Rafferty's body moved so gracefully, flawlessly, and her pride in her talent only drew Shay in further.

"Or... not," Rafferty shrugged, staring at Shay as she watched Dawson sink a ball out of the corner of her eye. "Or you could just not be paying attention at all," she laughed. "Where _are_ you?" she finally grabbed Shay by both shoulders and shook her a bit, forcing her attention.

"What? I'm here," Shay looked around, startled at being brought back to awareness and the fact that she had left it in the first place and didn't even realise it.

"Barely," Rafferty laughed. "How many of those mystery drinks did you have before I found you?" she was just kidding, but did kind of wonder. It was unlike Shay to space out like that unless she was more inebriated than Rafferty knew or her mind was _really_ busy elsewhere.

"None. What's up?" Shay asked, trying like hell to be casual, all the while averting her gaze from Rafferty's body; from the shirt that rose up _just enough_ when she leaned over the pool table and the eyes that held too much emotion but hid it despite herself.

"It's your shot. And I don't know if you noticed, but I'm kind of killing it," Rafferty grinned smugly.

"Oh, she noticed," Severide piped up from the sidelines, smiling like an idiot.

Dawson's head whipped around faster than she should have moved with that amount of alcohol in her system, throwing her for a loop momentarily. So anyone who knew Shay that well had caught the entire exchange and knew _exactly_ why she was in a daze, but evidently Severide had had enough to drink to not worry about friendship-awareness boundaries at this point.

"Dude, she wasn't even paying attention to the game," Rafferty argued, watching as a pink blush covered Shay's pale cheeks.

"That's because she was too busy paying attention to _you_," Severide told her, as though the idea that she had missed it was absurd.

Shay was speechless. She couldn't argue and she wasn't sure that she wanted to- she didn't want to lie to the girl. But it wasn't exactly the time to spill all of her feelings and emotions and admissions. Rafferty just shook her head, letting it go and hoping that Shay would notice that. She did.

"It's your shot, and you better not fuck it up," Rafferty told Shay, pushing her shoulders and intentionally catching her gaze. Her eyes brightened naturally and she smiled a sincere smile, allowing her hands to linger on Shay's upper arms for a few beats longer than necessary. Shay got the message.

"I got this," Shay grinned confidently, raising one eyebrow at Rafferty flirtatiously before raising her pool stick. "After we whoop their asses I'm gonna make another round of 'Allison's."

"I don't know what that is, but it sounds dirty," Otis grinned.

"And private," Dawson said in a fake cough.

"It's my new drink. You'll love it. And apparently some of you need it to be better pool players," Shay said pointedly at Dawson and Lindsay before sinking her shot.

"You keep shooting like that, we'll have plenty more 'Allison's tonight," Rafferty winked at Shay, trying to be encouraging but distracting the girl into missing her shot altogether. "Or not..." she laughed.

"Come on!" Shay argued, grabbing Rafferty's wrists and pinning them to the pool table playfully. "You did that on purpose!"

"Why would I do it on purpose? We're on the same team," Rafferty laughed.

Shay rolled her eyes. Lindsay sank one ball and then missed her next. It was Rafferty's shot again and she was full of confidence before Shay leaned in to her, lips barely grazing her ear, and whispered, "The sooner the game is over, the sooner I can go have some more 'Allison's..."

Rafferty inhaled deeply, trying to compose herself. She knew exactly what Shay was trying to do; the unforeseen part was the fact that it was working. Rafferty had to handle this situation well- better than she thought herself capable of at the moment. She turned to Shay, her face centimeters away from the girl's, and said, "Only if we lose," before shrugging and sinking her shot.

Shay shook her head but couldn't help but laugh. No one had ever been able to take her banter and give it back as frustratingly well as Rafferty. She loved it, and she loved the challenge that Allison provided her.

"Damn tournaments..." Shay said under her breath, running her hand along Rafferty's rib cage as the girl took her next shot, secretly hoping to throw her off, but the ball fell into the pocket seamlessly.


	14. Chapter 14

this chapter is pretty short- i apologise. i took a lot of your advice and made another party scene chapter. i'm not positive yet if we're going to stray from the party after this one. i'd love more input. thanks so much for all of your sweet reviews. they make me want to write more and better and faster. i hope you like this. just another fun banter chapter. i have too much in mind to get the girls together already. as i said at the beginning of this story, i think that these characters would take quite a bit of time and push and pull before either of them allowed themselves to admit their feelings. so that's what i'm portraying. please let me know what you think. i love your reviews and suggestions. thanks again.

14.

Shay rolled her eyes and sighed deeply, blowing the hair out of her face intentionally. She and Rafferty were on their third pool game- this time versus Otis and Cruz- and she was getting bored. She had really hoped that she could flirt Rafferty into getting worse at shooting pool, but it seemed her efforts were useless. Shay found out that even if _she_ through the game completely Rafferty would still end up having enough skill to win it on her own. She sighed again, looking across the pool table to see Rafferty and Dawson talking like old friends. A pang of jealously ran through her before she got her bearings and realised that it was a really good thing. She had wanted her best friend and her new _friend_ to get along from the beginning and she had secretly worried that they never would. Dawson was protective of Shay, and she appreciated the sentiment, but Shay worried that Dawson would hold on to her grudge against the previously homophobic Rafferty forever. Watching them talk right now meant everything to Shay; it meant that Gabby had seen the change in Rafferty too, and now knew that the woman only had Shay's best interest in mind. She smiled to herself, somehow having dazed out again.

"Maybe it's a good thing that we haven't gotten around to drinking anymore yet," Rafferty said quietly, suddenly at the girl's side, brushing her elbow into Shay's ribcage. "You keep stepping out on us," she found Shay's eyes and smiled.

"No, I was just thinking," Shay smiled. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"Don't be sorry. It's your shot," Rafferty nodded to the pool table. "These guys are actually giving us a run for our money, so don't try to throw the game like you did last time," she smirked, running her hand down Shay's back casually.

Shay rolled her eyes at her friend but took her shot and sunk it regardless. And then another.

"Geez, Shay! I didn't know you were a pool shark. Why don't you ever play with us at Molly's?" Otis asked, leaning against the table and sipping his beer.

"Because at Molly's you guys play for money, and I'm too good of a friend to bankrupt all my brothers every damn night," Shay laughed, taking her third shot and missing. "Since I live here, I'm making a rule: if Rafferty and I win _again_, which I'm guessing we will, we're taking a drink break after this game," she pounded her pool stick to the floor like a staff with authority and everyone laughed.

"Why? You need some more 'Allison's?" Severide laughed, holding Lindsay on his lap.

"Oh, honey, I _always _need some more 'Allison's," Shay wagged her eyebrows, turning to Rafferty who was laughing but slightly red-faced.

Xxxxxxxxx

"Thank God!" Shay exclaimed genuinely as Cruz sunk the eight ball and finally won the game, giving her and Rafferty the break that she'd been asking for.

"Ha! We beat you!" Otis did a silly little dance.

"Do I seem _unhappy _about that?" Shay laughed.

"As competitive as you are, I've never seen someone so happy to _lose_ something," Rafferty chuckled, looping her arm through Shay's and leading her away from the pool table.

"Who wants some 'Allison's?" Shay called to the entire room and most of them chuckled in response.

"None of us as badly as you do," Lindsay piped up, earning surprised gasps from both Severide and Dawson.

"Hey? New girl? You better watch it," Shay warned, pointing at Lindsay with a scowl before her face turned in to a sincere smile instead. "Once you have an 'Allison' you won't want anything else."

That only made the room erupt into laughter even harder.

"I'll bet," Otis laughed.

"You _would_ say that," Casey contributed.

"Don't listen to her," Rafferty started, getting Shay's attention. "She doesn't even remember what all she put into these drinks she keeps hyping up, so I'm guessing some of you are in for a world of shit."

"Hey?!" Shay scoffed, grabbing her chest dramatically. "If I remember correctly _you're _the one that drank the shitty drinks," she pointed out, poking at Rafferty's chest.

"Meh," Rafferty shrugged. "I was thirsty."

"Well I hope you still are, because I'm making 'Allison's for everybody," Shay told them.

"It's gonna be like Russian roulette in here..." Rafferty said to the room before turning to Shay. "I thought you were the only one who got to have 'Allison's..."

Shay caught her eye and held it, looking at the girl too deeply for a moment. She smiled. Rafferty was staring into her eyes, emitting so much that Shay was sure that she was unaware of. A content smile graced Rafferty's face, seemingly getting as lost in the moment as Shay was. They stood like that for a moment before Shay's gaze dropped quickly to Allison's lips subconsciously.

"Yo, bartender!" Severide yelled, intentionally drawing them out of their moment and already smirking to himself about it, earning a punch in the chest from Lindsay.

"Can we get those drinks sometime tonight?"


	15. Chapter 15

sorry that i haven't updated in a bit and EXTRA sorry, there's some angst in this chapter. i found it necessary to treat the story realistically. if you guys give me a minute though, i promise i'll make it up to you. it's pointed angst! thanks so much to everyone on ff and on tumblr (hell even on twitter!) for your support of this story. it means so much more than you know. i promise soon (next chapter, i imagine) the angst will be worth it. as always, please let me know what you think. any ideas, anything you'd like to see or that you wish i'd done differently. thanks so much and enjoy. PS: to all the other shafferty writers: i love your works so much and they inspire me to do better and in a more timely fashion, so thank you.

15.

As the weeks passed, Rafferty found herself detesting her suspension just a _little _ bit less. Even though she had received the punishment semi-intentionally, her first few weeks without work had been hell. Now, though, with only two weeks left of her suspension, she was seeing the positive aspects of the situation and using her time off to grow as she had initially intended. Due to the amount of time that Rafferty was spending alone, she was enjoying her time in the company of others even more; she found herself hanging out with Shay every few days and even caught up with some of her and her late fiance's old friends.

It was an odd situation for Allison; at first she didn't want to be around her and her fiance's mutual friends because the memory of him- and the fact that their sympathetic faces were unrelenting- was too much to bear. But now she simply felt as though she had grown away from them in an expected, peaceful way. She was no longer sad to just be in their presence and she felt that reconnecting with them was necessary to her sense of closure. Although she had discussed all of these things with her therapist earlier in the week, Rafferty was surprised to find that talking about it with Shay was what made her finally feel healthy.

"I sort of felt like I didn't know what to say to them anymore, you know?" Allison asked, sipping her beer as she stretched her legs out onto Shay's couch, unintentionally entwining them with her friends. "It wasn't sad or awkward. We just- it was like as soon as we had caught each other up on the menial changes in our lives I was out of things to talk about," she reached down to scratch her ankle absently, tickling Leslie's hip in turn. Shay smiled naturally but fought her urge to bring it to the other girl's attention; she didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Are your lives much different than they used to be?" Shay asked, genuinely interested and hoping that Rafferty didn't think that she meant that losing a fiance wasn't a huge life change...

"No," Rafferty shook her head with a small smile. "That's the thing. I feel like after losing him I had to grow up _so_ much," she admitted, looking into Shay's eyes as she analyzed it all. "Not the _best_ way to have to mature, but I did. I feel like they're the same people that they always were and I'm not," her eyes gleamed with a spark of something that looked like _hope_ and Shay smiled. "I'm sorry," Rafferty shook her head, embarrassed suddenly, beginning to draw her legs back up to her body before Shay grabbed them and held them in place around her casually with a smirk.

"Please don't be sorry," Shay told her sincerely, letting her ankles go- though they remained relaxed around her now. "I like talking to you like this. I like _you _talking to _me_ like this," she admitted, taking a sip of her beer and averting her eyes from Rafferty's deep gaze.

"I like it too," Rafferty told her, reaching down to brush her fingers over Shay's hand, drawing her eyes back up. "Thank you."

"For what?" Shay rolled her eyes, brushing off the moment for fear of making it into something that it wasn't- again.

"For being you. For listening and understanding. For letting me trust you," Rafferty told her, her voice trailing off until it was nearly inaudible.

"Thank you for trusting me," Shay whispered back, her voice raspy and full of the emotion of the moment, surprising her.

"Honey, I'm home!" Severide yelled obnoxiously into the apartment, alerting the girls to the new presence before they had even heard the door. Kelly continued to laugh and discuss something, implying that he wasn't alone.

Rafferty drew her legs away from Shay and sat up so quickly that it actually made Shay momentarily dizzy. Severide walked around the bend of the hallway with Otis and Cruz in tow. Shay knew that she and Rafferty probably looked like two wide-eyed baby deer- and nothing (okay, _something_, but nothing really real) was even going on.

"Hey, ladies," Severide smiled at them, followed by Otis and Cruz. "You guys up to shoot some pool?"

"We got beer," Cruz added, holding up the case in his hand.

Shay had still not taken her eyes off of Rafferty. As relaxed, sweet and genuine as the girl had been less than one minute ago, she was now tense, stressed and distant. Shay could have pretended to be confused about the sudden change in her demeanor, but sadly she understood exactly what it meant.

"Naw, I actually-" Rafferty looked around nervously, taking another sip of her beer before standing from the couch completely and smoothing out her clothing. "I actually have to go. I forgot, I have plans," she shrugged, pretending to be aloof and refusing to make eye-contact with Shay.

"Yeah, you have plans with _me_," Shay said quietly enough that only Rafferty would hear, standing as well.

"No, I mean- _yes_. But I have other plans... that I forgot about, so I have to go," Rafferty shook her head, taking one last sip of her beer and beginning to search for her coat in order to avoid looking at anyone else. She knew she was being weird and that it was obvious, but she was too terrified to care.

Rafferty found her coat on the back of one of the kitchen chairs- where Shay had left it for her- and put it on hastily. She made her way back to the front hallway and didn't even look back. She had almost made it to the door before a voice called out to her.

"Are you sure you can't stay? We had fun last time we all hung out," Severide said sincerely, not _completely_ understanding the nature of Rafferty's speedy departure. Unless... unless something had happened between her and Shay, he reasoned.

"Aw, no, it's not that," Rafferty turned to assure him. "I love hanging out with you guys," she told him, being brought back to reality and feeling badly for leaving so awkwardly.

"Can I walk you out?" Shay asked quietly, staring at the ground, already guessing what the answer would be.

"No, it's okay. I'll see you. Have fun with the boys," Rafferty told her, staring at the girl's face although Shay refused to look up.

If Shay looked into those eyes again she wouldn't be able to hold on to her front; she wouldn't be able to take it. She nodded slightly in response but didn't say a word as the front door opened and then shut. She still wouldn't look up. Her heart was violently audible in her ears. She was torn between feeling embarrassed and sad, but she would not let those emotions take over; not in front of her friends. She glanced at Kelly quickly and was immediately grateful to have him as her best friend. He knew her well enough- with one glance- to brush off the entire Rafferty situation and not bring it up in front of the boys. Sure, the odds were all too good that he would bring it up when they were alone, but that was something that Shay could deal with.

"Hey, we're even for pairs now," Otis said pointedly. He may not have been as close with Shay as Kelly was, but he wasn't stupid either.

"Good, I call Shay!" Cruz yelled out, pointing at the girl dramatically and causing a smile to creep upon her face.

Shay looked up at Severide and nodded in gratitude. She knew that Otis and Cruz saw it and understood, too. She smiled despite herself and rolled her eyes.

"I'll get the beers."


End file.
